Sometimes I wish I weaned Maddy earlier. Or maybe mix fed earlier, then at least she would be drinking fresh or formula milk now. Unfortunately, she's still hasn't given milk a chance since she quit drinking my pumped milk at 11-12 months old.
I said to myself, I'll wean when Maddy's ready. After all, it's not as if breastfeeding is doing her any harm. It's extra calories which she doesn't get because she doesn't drink milk, and it calms her so fast when she's upset. It's also gotten me through teething phases and it helped tremendously when she's sick. I feel like she gets well faster because of the antibodies I'm probably passing on to her through my milk.
However, the past several weeks, especially when I left for Canada for 7 days, then took a 3 day trip to Manila and another overnight trip to Manila, we all noticed that while it took her a while to fall asleep at night, she would end up sleeping straight through. Unlike when I'm beside her asleep at night, she would subconsciously reach for me to feed every 2-3 hours. She wasn't getting enough sleep. I wasn't getting enough sleep (and my body aches from all the side-lying feeding). Hanley wasn't getting enough sleep. I decided, she might think she's not ready to wean, but breastfeeding wasn't doing her a lot of good anymore.
Weaning takes 110% commitment. You can't look back, cheat or give in just a little bit. It's Day 6 and 5 nights of weaning so far. I can't say she hasn't been looking for it. A couple of times at night she seems to forget and reaches for my boobs and cries, but I've managed to put her to sleep after rocking her for a while.
Day 1: The best course was to rub sliced ginger around my areola/nipples. When Maddy attempted to suck, I first told her my boobs were broken and my milk has already gone bad. When she tasted my ginger-smeared nipple, she was immediately repulsed. She did not look for it anymore until it was time for bedtime. Usually she feeds to fall asleep. This time around, I fed her a bottle of Yakult before sleeping. She tried to reach for my boob, but I had rubbed ginger again, told her my boobs were broken and my milk was bad already. She tasted it, and didn't ask for it anymore. She rolled around the bed, moved around a lot. We turned off the lights and just lied still on the bed. Eventually, and surprisingly, she eventually fell asleep. At around 2am and probably 5 am though, she was crying in her sleep, a usual cue for me to feed her. I simply tried to pat her back to sleep. I tried to offer her water (which just made her mad). I just carried her and rocked her to sleep. She tried to point outside (with eyes closed, half asleep), but I prevailed in rocking her back to sleep.
Day 2: Rubbed the ginger again. Repulsed again, up until bedtime. Same routine, I gave her Yakult to drink. She rolled around the bed, moved a lot, went up and down, was so active. We kept telling her over and over to close her eyes and go to sleep. Eventually she did. Cried twice in her sleep, reached for my boob, I carried her and rocked her back to sleep, telling her repeatedly, "Mama's here, don't worry, I'm just here." Offered her water, she sipped a little, but refused it more or less.
Day 3-5: No more ginger. She seemed to understand, at least during the day when she's wide awake, that she wasn't getting any more milk from me. She seems to be indifferent to my boobs now. However, I haven't really noticed any change in her appetite, except she drank 1-2 tetrapaks more of Dutch Mill or Yakult. I wish she drank more water instead, but that's for another week to work on. On the 4th night, I was surprised she slept through the night!!! So far she's been able to fall asleep on her on, after tiring herself out a lot from all the jumping, rolling, moving around the bed, and usually after 1 Yakult+1 Dutch Mill. But 4/5 nights she's been crying out twice during the night, reaching for my boobs. But the time crying and reaching out have been becoming shorter though. And I'm able to rock her to sleep faster.
Hopefully, in the next few weeks or so:
- She'll drink less of the juices of flavored milks, and drink more water
- Ideally, she'll drink actual milk. I bought several different types of milk already, and she's refused them all. We'll just keep trying and trying
- Ideally, she'll eat more solids during dinner time and feel fuller, helping her sleep more straight, without waking up anymore
- I hope that when she does wake up or cry out in the middle of the night, she'll take a sip of water instead, or fall back to sleep just by patting her, instead of having to rock her to sleep
Difficult journey so far, but not impossible. Past few attempts to wean have been half hearted, plus I myself wasn't ready yet. Now I am, so maybe that's why it's been working so far. Plus, I think it's a better decision to wean once all their teeth are out. It's crazy dealing with teething, and I'm glad breastfeeding saw me through all of it!
